A Royal Pain

In honor of the Royal wedding that took place this morning across the pond, I give you 'A Royal Pain'....

I was flipping through some pictures the other day and came across one that brought back memories. Memories of sanity, even if I didn’t think so at the time. Memories of symmetry, where we played man-on-kid action with a 1:1 parent-child ratio. I can’t find the electronic copy of it and my scanner isn’t hooked up so I can’t show you but picture it -Sicily, 1924 {oh wait, that’s Sophia’s line on Golden Girls – oops!}. Rewind……picture it – Greer, 2008. I am the mother of two {2} {dos} fine, young men. We are enjoying a day in the sun at Century Park, taking in a t-ball game of d1. We, as in me and d2, since D1 is coaching. In this picture, I see my two-year-old d2 sitting so nicely on the bleachers, slowly eating his Teddy Grahams. I recall the sweet sound of him cheering his ‘bubby’ on. Oh, the memories.**

Let’s fast forward three short years. We’re at Century Park again, it’s still sunny, d1 is playing ball again and I still have a two-year-old {ok, a different one, obviously} but that’s the end of the parallel. That’s where the similarities stop. This is every Thursday night but, since last night’s recollections are still so dreadfully fresh in my mind, I’ll recount the ‘fun.’ I sat our lawn chairs next to the dugout in a way to barricade d3 in {which, P.S., he doesn’t find nearly as awesome as I would like him to} before heading to the adjacent park to burn off some energy prior to game time. When we came back to our sectioned-off seats, we watched the first pitch take place and then the cooler of chow was introduced. Most people bring a pack of crackers, maybe a bag of grapes for their toddler to snack on. I bring a buffet. No, really. Last night’s spread consisted of sandwiches, Goldfish, banana cookies, Ritz crackers, raisins, Twizzlers, chocolate eggs, applesauce, juice and water. Keep in mind that this is not an MLB game lasting 3 hours. We have a time limit of an hour-fifteen and yet he still blew through it all. And since he exceeded my expectations on his consumption, I pulled out my last resort – a sucker. No, I’m not against suckers but he just turned two and hasn’t had one yet. That helped hold his attention for a few additional minutes and I have made a mental note to bring multiple flavors next week…..and to buy extra-strength kiddy toothpaste before then.

After the grub is gone, I pulled out some toys from my bag of tricks. I even handed over my beloved iPhone and d2’s GameBoy {unbeknownst to him} for him to do whatever he wanted. Sadly, by the end of the 2nd inning, d3 was done with all of the above. I realized that we either needed to walk around or our fellow spectators would be treated to a full-fledged meltdown. But there’s this thing about d3. He’s an over achiever. In the words of Forrest Gump, if he {d3, not Forrest} is ever going somewhere, he is runNING. And he is fast. For a Shorty McBee with a St. Nick belly {from all the nutritional manna his mother provides}, he sure can disappear in the blink of an eye. I’ve already played the role of ‘Frantic Mother Searches For Lost Child’ last season in the same park and I really wasn’t interested in letting history repeat itself so I cannot, for one minute, lose sight of him. For the most part, I was triumphant. I mean, he did escape a few times but was quickly found. The first time he broke away, I found him trying to climb a very steep set of stairs. The second time, he was trying to enter the door of the concession stand. And the third {and fourth} time…..well, let’s just say he was only trying to be a part of the team. Just not our team. See below.



Thanks to BAC for the picture. It’s a sweet picture of her oldest boy, W, after wards where he was awarded the game ball for exceptional effort. Way to go, W! So, admire the picture and then follow the fuchsia arrows. Up top, you will see d3. A little down and to the left, you will see a box of chips. Where is Mommy? Oh, you won’t see me in the picture. But if we zoomed in enough, you would see that ornery little grin. Yes, he’s looking right at me and, if he could clearly speak, I believe he would be saying, ‘Come get me, Mommy. Here I am. But you won’t be able to catch me. Na-na na-na boo boo!’ And the significance of the chips? Well, on more than one occasion {the third and fourth times noted above}, I was removing his hand from that chip box. Or rather placing the chips back in the box. Our field was on the right side of this picture. The left side was another team and another team’s snack box. I was trying to pack up our chairs so that the next group of spectators could come in but every time I turned around, he was right back in the box. The nice team mom in charge of the beloved box of goodies eventually just told us that he could have one {after all, he had managed to get one bag open and she probably didn't want his leftovers} but I politely declined. I have my pride. Oh, who am I kidding. I should have just thanked her and went on....

Since we have many a Thursday nights ahead this season, I am re-evaluating my options. I’ve got a few things up my sleeve starting with the kiddie harness. Yes, I’m sure he will just love that. I'll take suggestions. Clearly this third child wants to keep me on my toes. Keep in mind that my goal is to please him AND watch my boy play ball. If I’m not watching the game, at least out of one eye, I might as well be in the comfort of my filthy home. I realize my expectations are a litle high for his age. I've already identified myself with that truth so let's not beat it to death. I am determined to make it work and pray that next year it gets easier. What can I bring, aside from a pony ride or a life-size Gobstopper, that will amuse him for an hour?

And I thought last year was bad.....pfft.


**{Confession - I do vaguely recall an incident following that picture-perfect photo when d2 flipped off the bleachers backwards. However, I prefer to revel in my fantasy world for a few minutes before I revert back to reality so, if you don’t mind….}

In Living Color

A little over a month ago, I was approached by a friend to tape my testimony. She is a mental health counselor in a local high school and has a student that has a similar background to mine. She wanted this student to hear where I've been, what I've been through and who I am today. Now, thanks to the work of Alex Reynolds and Taylors First Baptist Church, my story is now more than just words. It's alive. I pray that God will use it to reach those hurting and hopeless. He is GOOD!

Click here to watch the short video.

Oh, Spring Break! How I Love Thee!

It is FINALLY Spring Break in Greenville County and I emphasize ‘FINALLY’ because it feels like it took forever to get here. You would think my excitement would be related to a fabulous vacation but, alas, it does not have anything to do with being away from home. Just the opposite, actually. I am thrilled to pieces that we will be spending more time at home this week than we have the last few months. You see, Greer Rec and the YMCA also celebrate Spring Break which means no baseball practices, no soccer games, nothing. Sure, it equates to more backyard baseball where I tend to endure some physical pain but, in comparison, it is totally worth it. Though most of the craziness is attributed to the busy schedules of our little athletes, I’m also enjoying a break from packing lunches, writing checks for t-shirts, signing field trip forms, and all the other ‘fun’ stuff that comes with having children in school. How’s that for easy-to-please? I don’t need to be on a cruise to enjoy this observed school holiday. I can be perfectly content with a break from life…..

This short pause really couldn’t have come at a better time for me personally. I know that my ‘full plate’ is nobody’s fault but my own but WHEW. The month of April has been brutal so I’m hoping that May brings a bit less chaos. We’ve had school cook-outs, birthday parties, school plays, Easter Egg Hunts, CareGroup dinners, bible studies, children's shelter.....and it’s only the 19th of the month with a few more activities left to round out April, including an Easter weekend homeless feeding. In between attending all of the above AND the twice-a-week sporting events, I’ve been working on some articles for our church that I need to finish by the end of the month. I am both excited and flattered to be given the opportunity to serve the Lord in a new capacity and want to give it my absolute all but it has taken some extra time-management skills on my part to work it in this busy schedule. Oh and remember my testimony? We filmed it yesterday. On camera. After a couple weeks of editing my story, I spent 3.5 hours in the studio with the fabulous Alex Reynolds at TFBC and I’m excited to see his stellar skills pulling it all together……stay tuned for the final product.

This post is really not a grumble. I hope it doesn’t sound that way. For those of you who have been asking me when I’m going to post the latest ‘funny’ on my blog, I wanted you to know that it’s not because I’m phasing out of the blogging business. {oh wait, business might imply that I earn money....PSA - I do NOT}. And it’s definitely NOT from lack of material because the boys would never allow that to happen. I love blogging and would write all day long if I could. For now, I’m trying to evaluate and prioritize my to-do list the way Jesus might. Serving the homeless, sharing my story and spending time with the fam? I have a feeling He might concur. If it means I’m a little more scatter-brained and watch a little less TV, I’m okay with that. It's all relative in the grand scheme of eternity....

**PS - Thank you, D1, for being so supportive and encouraging this month. You are amazing!

**PPS - I have plenty of funny stories from the little d's. Just ask me. Especially after a trip to Pizza Inn on Senior Citizen night.....

Never Say Never

Today I used my lunch hour to run some errands. Bank, gas station, Goodwill - you know, the exciting stuff. Until today, the only thing I did at Goodwill was deliver my junk. Today, I tried out a different verb at Goodwill, one I never thought I would – I shopped . And you know something? It was pretty sweet.

As a girl, I have memories of my mom shopping Goodwill and Salvation Army for our clothes. Now, I would like to think that I got my thrill of bargain hunting from her and that she was simply trying to get the best deal so I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt but, nonetheless, it was embarrassing. Maybe this was another ‘vow’ to myself that I would never be to a level in life that we had to shop at thrift stores. Shallow, I know. What’s so awesome is that I don’t have to shop here but now I want to shop here. It may take a little longer to weed through the inventory but God has provided for us so tremendously and I really want to be a good steward of his provisions. I don’t know why I ever thought that I was above shopping at these types of places. I have no problem getting free food from couponing and enjoy a good consignment sale but, for some reason, I felt this was different.

I'm not sure but I think I'm being taught some level of humility {except is it humility if I admit humility?}. I’ve mentioned my bible study and how convicting it is in all areas, this being one. I also think the stage that my boys are in right now is helping further this desire to not throw away spend large amounts of money on clothing that they will inevitably ruin. I’m not only saving money, I’m saving Mommy a few meltdowns every time I see a new stain or hole in the pants. Maybe it will help me to just ‘let them be’ a little more, knowing that those pants only cost $3, not $30. Right now, when I see a new hole, I have a burning desire to find one of their favorite balls and put a hole in it except I probably bought that toy, too and, they have a gazillion balls and probably wouldn't give a flip.

Allow me to share my deals. I am way excited - can you tell? I mean, we had to know I would get to this point. I’ve conquered Publix and CVS {and still get a total thrill from walking out of both stores with oodles of deals!} so thrift stores had to be somewhere in the progressive path of frugality.

Here we go. Yes, I'm noting the brands because, yes, I’m a brand snob. I’m dealing with one flaw at a time:

d1 jeans {Old Navy cargo}
d1 polo shirt {Target}
D1 khaki cargo shorts {Old Navy} x 2
D2 {that’s me!} dressy top {NY&Co}

So, if you were paying attention, I left with 5 {FIVE} like-new items for a grand total of $16.62! If I would have gone to Target, even on the clearance racks, no way could I have left without paying at least twice that amount. What's even better is that the proceeds are used to help individuals and families in obtaining employment and assisting in several other ways. This lines right up with our heart for the homeless and our hope and desire for them to break the vicious cycle. As I write this, we are working with church staff in developing a church-wide outreach beyond monthly feedings that we hope will ultimately changes lives. Amazing how His plan continues to unfold in such simple ways.

All this to say – give peace, er, Goodwill a chance……

GOAL!

Last night was d2's first soccer game. Turns out he's pretty awesome. He scored 5 goals and looked super cute in his uniform. What? It's relevant. I want him to look good as he's running over his opponents. We even figured out the socks this time.....


What happened to my little boy? Does he not look like he's 12 years old here? Geez Louise.



Taking it to the goal


Is he trash talking in this picture? It sort of looks like it but I know my son would never do such a thing. I know my son would never dream of running his mouth during a competitive sport. I know his daddy taught him better.


We loved watching d2 excel and just have fun but we also enjoyed seeing d1 get fired up for his little brother. He ran up and down the sidelines, cheering him on as he dominated the game. They have their moments where they seem to despise each other but to see the pride that d1 had for d2 last night just warmed my heart.

The other brother was, however, not as thrilled to be a spectator. His only interests were running off to the mud puddles and moving the boundary cones off of the field. I can see now that between d2's soccer games and d1's baseball games, it's going to be a long season with the chunky little feller. However, I have a strategy for tomorrow night's game. Oh, and it's a good one. I'm not going to feed him dinner. Yes, you read that right. I am going to withhold his meal at home and then take it with us to the ball field, in hopes that he becomes famished and wants nothing more than to eat it DURING THE GAME. Maybe that's a bit excessive but if it works, I will have no shame. In fact, if it works, I will feel quite proud of myself for thinking up such a cruel genius plan. Until you've chased children around a busy park, thus missing the other child's at-bat or double play, you wouldn't understand. I can recall many a time this past basketball season when, after the game, d1 would say, 'Mommy, did you see my shot?' and I just had to smile, nod and pretend I had seen it because, in reality, I had missed it thanks to d3 wandering off and crawling under the bleachers or following a stranger into the men's restroom. Desperate times call for desperate measures. No guilt.

Let's Party

What possessed me to think it was possible to cook AND clean for a party and expect it to stay tidy while I turn my back to prepare the food? My Birthday Boy is a 34lb human destroyer. He has a ridiculous collection of tractors, trucks and trains to play with but he would rather empty the contents of Hi Ho Cherry-O and CandyLand onto the playroom floor. Do I sense a theme here?

And cooking with small children? Brilliant idea. d2 offered to help me prepare the food and I said ‘yes.’ He must have waited until my daily pot of coffee was consumed. He knows good and well that I’m a lot more patient and I say ‘yes’ a lot more than usual when I have a caffeine high. Looking back, it probably wouldn’t have taken so long if I had done it myself. I lost count of how many times I had to stop and send him back to the sink to wash. Hands inside the back of your pants? Go wash. Nose picking? Go wash. Sneezing and couldn’t get your elbow to your nose in time so your hands caught the snot? Go wash. Hands inside the front of your pants? Go wash. And then I heard the, ‘What will happen?’ question a hundred times. ‘What will happen if I put my booger in this pudding?’ My boy is smart so I couldn’t understand why he kept asking me that question. I mean, do you really want to know the answer to that? Do you need me to verbally express to you that I will hurl you across the room if that spit you are slurping in and out of your mouth, the technique that was perfected by your father, lands in my baked beans? Guess I thought it was implied. I know this is just the phase he’s in right now, asking questions and testing boundaries but ask me a question on the transformation of a butterfly or something elementary like that. Don’t ask me a question you already know the answer and that never ends well for you. Oh, and no male genital questions, either.

In any case, little d3’s party went well yesterday. We had a family dinner and he had lots of fun. I made a cake and, in my personal opinion, it was a disaster. What was supposed to be a basketball on top of a goal looked more like the top half of a BigMac. Tinting of frosting is NO fun. I never get it to the shade I want. In no way do I believe I have a gift for baking because I just don’t. For the record, I wanted to make him an owl cake. The owl cake consisted of two colors of frosting – vanilla and chocolate. There is no manual tinting involved there. But D1 lobbied for the basketball because that’s what d3 does all day long. Yes, and he’s technically not even 2 until Thursday. At least d3 loves basketball AND he loves to eat so it was a win-win for him.







Happy Birthday, little guy! Mommy and Daddy love you to pieces! Bubby and Day-Day think you’re pretty cool, too! Oh, and feel free to slow this growing up process down...