Voice Of Truth

If we were to meet on the street for the first time, would you consider me a confident, poised individual? I’m struggling with this lately and I don’t know why. OK, ‘lately’ isn’t an accurate statement – I’ve always had problems with self-confidence, for as long as I can remember. When I tell my friends this, they are surprised by my confession but it’s 100% true. I guess I just put on a good front because, inside, I find myself second guessing everything. Honestly, I have these insecurity issues in every area of my life. I also know that this is Satan trying to tear me down so it's time to {wo}MAN up and fight back.

Here are some examples. Some I’m a little embarrassed to admit but there's very little I won't share {I think my testimony established that much} so why shouldn't I give you some reasons to laugh at me on this second day of March? The following are actual conversations that the voices in my head express on any given day.


On Self-Image –

*Why won’t my hair cooperate? People probably think I just rolled out of the bed with this mess. And the hair color…..lawd, it's never going to be the same…..

*Acne at 30? Really? This is repulsive. I wonder if the bank teller is talking to me or the band of blackhead brothers on my nose today.

*Maybe I should’ve worn the boots instead of the pumps today. Of course I should have. And why did I even choose this shirt in the first place? I know better - this shade of red was not meant for this pale person.

On Parenting –

*Am I feeding them too much processed junk? Should I be worried that they may not get their daily recommended 50,000 mg of vitamin C? Are they supposed to have this much gas? Maybe they have Crohn's disease?

*Will they end up aggressive ninjas because we let them watch Kung Fu Panda and The Karate Kid? Am I causing permanent damage when I tell them that peeing in the tub will cause a worm to grow in their belly and result in a trip to the ER that ends with a large needle in their left buttocks? {I’m at my wits end with this one - it keeps happening and d3 insists on drinking since he hasn’t a clue. For all he knows, he’s sitting in a tub full of lemonade and it’s free refill Friday}.


On the Job –

* Did I give my boss what he was looking for on that project? Perhaps he was looking for more detailed analysis. He hasn’t emailed me back since I sent the file 3.5 minutes ago so it must be wrong.

*Will I ever be ready for a promotion? Would I be a good manager? Do I communicate effectively? I will probably retire in this position.


On Marriage –

*Do I really make my husband happy? Sometimes I can be so moody. He probably wishes he had married someone else. Maybe I should have made cube steaks last night instead of weinerwinks. He loves cube steaks.

*Will we still have something to talk about in 18 years when the house is empty? Will we always laugh this much? What if he finds it amusing to hide my dentures and Depends from me when we're old?


Now, some of these are funny albeit absurd but why am I even thinking this junk? Why do I let it consume my thoughts? I even did a bible study with some girls on this topic. It was a great book but clearly I had more issues than we had time to fix in the 8 week study. I even find myself telling others to not worry about situations, even shooting them Scripture references to Psalms and Philippians, all while internally agonizing over trivial details. I see a similar trait in d1, who has a tendency to worry. True, most of his worries revolve around what his next meal will consist of or what ‘fun thing’ we’re going to do for him {I really believe he thinks our sole purpose on this Earth is to entertain him!} but I am constantly telling him to ‘not worry about it’ and yet his mother is the Queen of Concern. Maybe it’s that control freak in me but that’s just a lame excuse for a lack of faith. And I'm not a fan of excuses so there it is. I am making a personal commitment to memorize three verses this week. Read them, recite them, pray them. Every time one of those outlandish thoughts creeps into my mind, I’m going to shout out Scripture. I might even break out some 'Voice of Truth' lyrics. If you run into me in the grocery store and I’m hollerin' out the Word, just smile and wave. And laugh, of course. At least you’ll know what I'm doing. I’m busy putting Satan in the ground, courtesy of 2 Corinthians.