Who Am I?

Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like you have loved me

Break my heart from what breaks yours
Everything I am for your kingdoms cause

I am brought to tears every time I hear these words. I mean, dang! I know it’s just a song and I know I can be a an emotional mess little sappy at times but that’s some powerful stuff if you are truly ‘hearing’ it.

This is not a sad post. In fact, it’s a very happy post. Joyful, even. I like that adjective better because I truly have joy in my life that I’ve never, ever experienced before and really struggle to find the words to describe. What’s even better is that D1 is filled with this same overwhelming joy. Coincidence? No way. It is, however, further proof that we are equally yoked and that is a great feeling in and of itself.

So back to this joy thing. Although I became a Christian seven years ago, it’s not until recently that I realized I wasn’t truly seeking Him with all my heart. I wasn’t asking for opportunities to share the Gospel with others. I wasn’t desperately searching for ways to meet the needs of others on His behalf. In this last year {and more so these last few months}, I’ve done just that. I’ve asked God to use my talents, lead my paths, break my heart, whatever it takes. In fact, D1 and I both have and, no surprise, He has been faithful and answered each and every one of those prayers.

Oh, and the conviction that has been placed on us? Indescribable and can only be attributed to the Spirit. Where we once were timid, we are now both so bold. {P.S. -that doesn’t just happen.} but it's just further proof of the work He's doing in our lives. As one person put it, we are 'on fire for Jesus.' I'm good with that. I would say that someone on fire has some urgency in their lives and, these days, we can identify with that, just slightly different.

The Lord created us and knows us better than we know ourselves. Ask Him to use you in only a way that He can but GET READY because if you truly mean it, He’ll show up big time. And let me tell you from experience that there is no greater joy than being in the will of God. I never understood how that was possible but I can tell you that it's not malarky. It's the real deal. And it's amazing. I'm changing my, 'Who am I' question to a 'Here I am' submission.

Big things continue to unfold in our lives. We don't know what else is ahead but we trust that wherever He guides, He provides. Now, I don’t really see us leaving for Uganda as international missionaries any time soon {I’ll leave that to you, Kelley C} but who really knows....

Stay tuned.


ETA: Yes, I like Casting Crowns but I didn't realize that I have now named four of my posts after their songs. A little bizarre, yes. It's really just my lack of creativity and/or laziness for titles.

Jettin' Thru June

I’ve really been looking forward to a little less chaos, although I’m wondering when exactly that will happen. Ever since school finished, this family has been going-GOING-going. June is a busy month with two birthdays, Father’s Day and an anniversary, not to mention Summer Spectacular, the start of a new baseball season and weekends at the water park. Despite the pandemonium, I’ve actually done well with snapping some photos and videos along the way…..

This year, d1’s 7th birthday landed smack dab in the middle of Summer Spectacular {i.e. vacation bible school} but that didn’t stop the excitement. The night before his actual birthday, he invited two friends to the water park and for a slumber party. I made a tasty ice cream cake that the boys devoured. I can’t really take credit for it – I got the recipe online. Nonetheless, it turned out awesome and at a fraction of the cost of a retail version.



d2’s birthday also came mid-week this year and his celebration of choice was Chuck E Cheese with two friends. We also did a family birthday dinner for him at Red Robin where he was serenaded rather LOUDLY and presented with a sweet treat. I also surprised him with cupcakes at his baseball practice where all his friends sang to him. He felt pretty special. All these opportunities and yet I didn't take one flippin' photo. Way to go, Mom.

Before you start thinking that our kids got ripped off on birthday parties, I have two ridiculously expensive words for you. Disney World. We leave in three weeks and we're still saving. Maybe I'm just incredibly cheap but I happen to think that three days in the Magic Kingdom is a pretty amazing birthday gift so forgive me if I remind them of it every day, all day while we're there…..and if they insist on having some of those un-original, overpriced rodent ears, we might splurge on a couple pairs, although something tells me my boys would rather have edible gifts.....

I mentioned the water park. It pretty much rocks. It’s local and small enough that all three boys enjoy themselves and we really don’t have to chase the older two around. The depths are perfect for them and they know their boundaries. And it's great people watching for us adults. Now d3 - well, he's a different story. It is rather exhausting with him but, at this age, what isn’t? Here’s his new favorite thing to do and really all he talks about when he’s not riding it…..



And then we had Father’s Day last week. I took the boys to Home Depot the day before to make D1 a mini-tool box during one of their little workshops. I was really impressed with d1 and d2’s ability to take simple directions and work independently. This was key because had I been required to help them hammer and glue each piece, we would have had to finish them in the parking lot after d3 was confined to his car seat. Every time I would turn around to check on one of them, d3 took those few seconds as opportunity to high tail it to the nearest exit. In the end, we left with two complete projects and their daddy loved them…..





Don’t buy into that innocent, baby face. This boy is sneaky and, at times, quite naughty. Even at home, if we don’t hear him, there’s a reason. It’s not because he’s playing quietly by himself. It’s because he’s hiding in the pantry, eating whole wheat flour or ripping all of the straws off of the Capri Suns, both of which have happened more times than I care to admit. Yes, we’ve finally moved the flour to a different shelf.

Though this video is a little random, I think it’s also quite relevant to the above statements. Naughty little feller. Listen carefully for my sigh. Good thing the audio ended there…..

Super 8

Can you remember your wedding day? I can. Just like it was yesterday. I woke up in a hotel with six of my very best girlfriends. I looked out the window and smiled – the sun was shining and that had to be a good sign. I enjoyed a classy KFC lunch while having 718 bobby pins jammed into my scalp for that most desired up-do. I climbed in a limo and, on the way to the church, made a slight detour to see my grandmother in the hospital. Within two hours, I was walking down the aisle to the man I loved. Eight years later, as I look back on that day, it’s amazing to me that I had absolutely, positively no clue what our future held. I don’t believe either of us could have imagined a life this abundant.

Happy Anniversary, Dallas. I love coming home every night and sharing my day with you. I love that you make me laugh without even trying. I love the man that you are and the man that you are becoming every day. Sure, we struggle like everyone else but we have both gained this amazing perspective, with our eyes focused on eternity, that makes all the other ‘stuff’ seems so foolish. I promise to continue striving every day to be the wife that you’ve always wanted and needed. I pray that we both keep our eyes fixed on Him and that our marriage can be an inspiration to others and an example of His perfect love.

I ran across these pictures from our rehearsal dinner slide show. Look at how young we looked…..







Who stole my neck?






Pretty much sums up life with this fellow....still


Did you really think this was about a motel?

School's Out So Let's Sing

In the last two weeks, a lot has changed.

d1 finished 1st grade....and I cried

d2 graduated from K-4....and I cried

I think I'm starting to experience a version of empty nest syndrome without my little middle with me in the car...so now it's just me and d3 each morning and afternoon. For the most part, he seems content with Sanctus Real or Casting Crowns coming through the speakers but lately he's shown some interest in singing along with me to the typical preschool songs so I thought I'd capture it on video. And yes, we were parked. I'm not talented enough to pull this off while rolling down interstate...

Warning: I really cannot sing {although I do a mean Pat Benatar on a karaoke machine} AND I really cannot sing in the morning before coffee so beware when you're watching this video. I have no idea what his deal is with Twinkle, Twinkle but he was having no part of it. When I start to sing the song, it's like he goes narcoleptic on me....

PS - they are not the same video but my lovely SMART phone would only let me upload a section at a time so piece it together and pardon the slight overlap....







Here's a tip - hit the pause button on the music player on the sidebar so that you can listen to the videos of d3

Identity Crisis

d1 came home from school a couple of weeks ago with a sadness. Not a physical wound from the playground but a different kind of sadness, a pain from within. When D1 asked him what was going on, he said that a friend was having a party and he didn’t get invited. My boy was sad and his feelings had been hurt.

From the moment I heard the story, I was immediately aching for him. After all, I know what it feels like to be excluded – haven’t we all been there at some point in our lives? Whether it was a birthday party, a girl’s night out or even a trip-to-the-bathroom-and-I-wasn’t-invited-for-lip-gloss-reapply in high school, I know there have been times where I felt left out. Those feelings then morph into feelings of inadequacy and failure. When you’re younger, it’s a popularity contest. Guess what? When you’re an adult, it’s STILL a popularity contest. Or so that is our perception.

Let me just say that I do not know all the details and we did not pursue the facts. It could have been a Boy Scout party and d1 is not a boy scout {although I’m confident he could start a fire real quick!}. It could have been a lot of different things. It could have been that the friend just didn’t want to invite him because he didn’t like him. Who knows and it matters nothing. However, what is important is that now we can see that God was using this as a teachable moment to all of us.

Shortly after this incident, we had the oh-so-fun sickness in our house, which ultimately ended in multiple trips to the pediatrician. At the time, I was super annoyed. Can you blame me? We went from one kid to the next with strep throat. I was literally dodging vomit, changing bedding and toothbrushes as often as Spiderman panties and praying that, for once, they didn’t share their funk with d3. Now I can clearly see that our encounter with illness last month was no coincidence. It was totally God.

We went to the peds office to get this figured out and, while Dr. Y was keying the script into his little physician tablet, I decided to pick his brain. I know I’ve said this before but I’ll say it again and again. I love my pediatrician. I do. So does D1 and all of our boys. He is an amazing doctor but, more than anything, he is incredibly patient and kind and proudly declares that he is a follower of Jesus. When we ask his advice on parenting, he takes the time to share and always, every time, directs us back to Scripture. This occasion was no different. I relayed the story to him while being careful to not let d1 in on the fact that we were discussing him {although I think the DS took care of his attention for that moment in time}. What it really boiled down to was me asking Dr. Y how to make my son the popular kid. Maybe not in those exact words, at the risk of sounding like a shallow mother, but that was the jist. After all, who doesn’t want their child to be liked by everyone? It’s natural but not necessarily biblical.

As he usually does, when possible, Dr. Y gave me his personal experience with his children since they are a few years older. It just so happened that his son went through something very similar not so long ago. What he said blew me away. He said that it’s the world that pushes popularity. It’s the world that says you are ‘somebody’ if everybody likes you. It’s the world that says your identity is based on your athletic ability, how much money you make or how perfect your body is. However, as Christians, we are called to be set apart. We may be IN this world but we are not to be OF this world. Our identity is not found in the world. Our identity is found in CHRIST. Dr. Y reminded me that we need to spend less time caring about what others think and more time on God’s plan for our lives. We need to raise our children to follow Jesus and the rest will fall into place.

I’m pretty sure that when Dr. Y was done talking, my jaw was on the ground. I totally expected to hear things like, ‘work on his manners, ‘ or ‘teach him how to compliment others’ or something superficial like that and I would have went home and made a chart -- because we like charts -- and done exactly what he said. Instead, he opened my eyes to such an enormous truth. Sure, my boys aren’t perfect but they were made in the image of God and God is perfect. Obviously, as parents, it's our job to guide and influence but it is not our job to mold them into something they are not. If other's don't love them for them, it doesn't matter. Jesus does.

I realize this is easier said than done because it's a tough pill to swallow, isn’t it? That there will be people that don’t like us {or our children}? But then I realized something. Not everyone liked Jesus. Hello? He was crucified on a tree. I think that pretty much sums up his social status. In 1 Peter 2:4-5, it says that, ‘….he was rejected by people, but he was chosen by God for great honor.’ Whew.

Popularity, schmop-ularity. You can keep your 'Most Likely To Marry a Princess' votes and party invites. It won’t get my boys to heaven but I know what will…..