i {heart} my boys

Some days I wonder if children, particularly mine, are physically born with emotions or if they are just developed over time.

Wait, let me rephrase that. I am well aware that they have emotions.

I know that they feel sadness because they cry when their sibling hits/kicks/bites them, depending on the perp’s preferred approach for pain. I know that they feel happiness because their faces light up when we announce that we’re heading to Pizza Inn for an all-you-can-eat dinner {it’s no secret that food is the direct line to all hearts in this house}. I also know that they feel anger because they scream, ‘you’re the meanest mommy ever and I don’t like you right now’ when they are sent to their room for jumping off of the bed/couch/stairwell. {BTW, new moms - those words don't sting anymore}

I don’t doubt any of those emotions. I know they have them, obviously. What about things like compassion, sympathy and consideration? I don’t see much of that. At least not very often and I attribute that to their age but, recently, I’ve been pleasantly surprised.

Now, don’t get me wrong. There have been times in my seven years of mothering where I’ve seen an action or two from the little guys and I was taken back by their ability to empathize with someone else. However, this week it happened on several occasions and I just can’t stop thinking about it.

It seems like I’m not only witnessing a new level of maturity {even if it only lasts for seconds at a time} but I’m slowly seeing heart changes and that’s what excites me. It’s like an awakening inside of them {even if it only lasts for seconds at a time} and it’s awesome. The heart is what we’re fighting for.

Allow me to share some of this week’s conversations and observations of my two oldest, sweet boys {the jury is still out on the compassion level forming in #3}. That bolded word back there is pretty big for me – usually my stories begin a little different and I’m not always so much doting….

A few days ago, d1 and d2 were doing something in the dining room. I don’t really recall every detail although they’ve become quite fond of Dining Room Dodge Ball after their daddy instructed them on how to pull off a quick game with minimal damage. Anyway, something happened that ended with d2 crying because of something d1 had done. After hearing both sides, I sent d1 to his room for a few minutes to cool off and planted d2 on the stairs for time out.

When d1 came down, I encouraged them to ‘hug it out,’ which was a new tactic I was trying as it seems these days they hate each other and it couldn’t hurt to show some love, right? Though they didn’t hug right then, what happened next had me speechless.

d2 said, ‘Mommy, I want to pray.’ Huh? I was confused. I just told you to hug and you're asking to continue your game? So I said, ‘You can play after you hug.’ In all fairness, he does have a slight speech issue with his ‘r’ so it sounded a little like ‘play.’ Then he said, ‘No, I said I want to pray -- for us.’ Um, okay. This was new but I went with it. So there we were in the dining room – me and all three little d’s {d3 wasn’t about to be left out of this event} – heads bowed, eyes closed, hands being held while d2 led us in a prayer asking Jesus to forgive everyone’s naughty behavior and to help us all make the right choices. And then they hugged and d2 told d1 he loved him.

OK, as I type this, it’s hard to not giggle at the memory but, in the moment, it was priceless. I always joke that he’s our little Billy Graham and he keeps re-affirming it. The kid just turned five and he’s requesting an impromptu prayer circle. This world could sure use more prayer warriors! Maybe it’s not compassion per se but more of a spiritual side developing in him. Either way, I am so delighted. I guess I should mention that within two minutes, they were both back in opposite corners for another round of ‘cooling off.’ Ah well. It was nice while it lasted….

And then there was today. We try to make it a part of our normal weekend routine to lie down for a nap/quiet time with the older boys while d3 is having his mid-day snooze. We use this as time to be alone with one boy at a time and today I paired up with d1. Usually we’ll have some chats while I scratch his back and then he’s out for an hour or so.

Today as we talked, though, he started asking questions about my dad. I knew the time would eventually come where the boys would start wondering where my parents were and I never really knew how to answer. I didn’t have a plan other than to keep it simple but optimistic. Now, in many parts of my childhood, that’s not so easy and I did use the tried-and-true line of, ‘one day you’ll understand’ but, in the end, I just told him that although I do have a dad, I’ve never known him. He doesn’t need to know the disappointing specifics so I left it at that. He started to ask some other questions but really focused on the father aspect and seemed a little bugged by it but then fell asleep. I thought that was the end.

Here’s where I witnessed a change in my firstborn son. Later this afternoon when we were getting ready to sit down to dinner, he randomly says, ‘Mommy, I didn’t want you to know earlier but after you told me you didn’t have a daddy, I rolled over and cried. It made me sad for you.’ I mean, really? How can a child his age feel that kind of emotion for someone else?

I had no words, just tears welling up inside of me. Not sad tears for what I didn’t have but happy tears for what I have now. These boys are amazing and I don’t deserve them. For every ounce of stress they cause me, they make up for it a hundred times over in these moments.

Some days I wonder if we’re screwing our kids up. No, I worry about that everyday. Are they eating enough fruits and vegetables or too many HFCS, processed items? Do we raise our voice at them too much? How much Wii is too much? Thankfully I have days like these above that help remind me that they are good boys. A little bit wild and a whole lot of crazy but their hearts are molding and forming and I can see a love for Jesus shining through them, little by little, in their words, actions and behaviors.

Though these moments aren’t daily or even weekly, it is proof that work is being done inside and for that, I’m praising God and claiming Proverbs 22:6 over my boys – ‘Direct your children onto the right path and when they are older, they will not leave it.’

Sorry, d3. You didn't make this issue. Maybe you should stop screaming your favorite two-letter word at Mommy all day long and I'll have something sweet to write about you....