Identity Crisis

d1 came home from school a couple of weeks ago with a sadness. Not a physical wound from the playground but a different kind of sadness, a pain from within. When D1 asked him what was going on, he said that a friend was having a party and he didn’t get invited. My boy was sad and his feelings had been hurt.

From the moment I heard the story, I was immediately aching for him. After all, I know what it feels like to be excluded – haven’t we all been there at some point in our lives? Whether it was a birthday party, a girl’s night out or even a trip-to-the-bathroom-and-I-wasn’t-invited-for-lip-gloss-reapply in high school, I know there have been times where I felt left out. Those feelings then morph into feelings of inadequacy and failure. When you’re younger, it’s a popularity contest. Guess what? When you’re an adult, it’s STILL a popularity contest. Or so that is our perception.

Let me just say that I do not know all the details and we did not pursue the facts. It could have been a Boy Scout party and d1 is not a boy scout {although I’m confident he could start a fire real quick!}. It could have been a lot of different things. It could have been that the friend just didn’t want to invite him because he didn’t like him. Who knows and it matters nothing. However, what is important is that now we can see that God was using this as a teachable moment to all of us.

Shortly after this incident, we had the oh-so-fun sickness in our house, which ultimately ended in multiple trips to the pediatrician. At the time, I was super annoyed. Can you blame me? We went from one kid to the next with strep throat. I was literally dodging vomit, changing bedding and toothbrushes as often as Spiderman panties and praying that, for once, they didn’t share their funk with d3. Now I can clearly see that our encounter with illness last month was no coincidence. It was totally God.

We went to the peds office to get this figured out and, while Dr. Y was keying the script into his little physician tablet, I decided to pick his brain. I know I’ve said this before but I’ll say it again and again. I love my pediatrician. I do. So does D1 and all of our boys. He is an amazing doctor but, more than anything, he is incredibly patient and kind and proudly declares that he is a follower of Jesus. When we ask his advice on parenting, he takes the time to share and always, every time, directs us back to Scripture. This occasion was no different. I relayed the story to him while being careful to not let d1 in on the fact that we were discussing him {although I think the DS took care of his attention for that moment in time}. What it really boiled down to was me asking Dr. Y how to make my son the popular kid. Maybe not in those exact words, at the risk of sounding like a shallow mother, but that was the jist. After all, who doesn’t want their child to be liked by everyone? It’s natural but not necessarily biblical.

As he usually does, when possible, Dr. Y gave me his personal experience with his children since they are a few years older. It just so happened that his son went through something very similar not so long ago. What he said blew me away. He said that it’s the world that pushes popularity. It’s the world that says you are ‘somebody’ if everybody likes you. It’s the world that says your identity is based on your athletic ability, how much money you make or how perfect your body is. However, as Christians, we are called to be set apart. We may be IN this world but we are not to be OF this world. Our identity is not found in the world. Our identity is found in CHRIST. Dr. Y reminded me that we need to spend less time caring about what others think and more time on God’s plan for our lives. We need to raise our children to follow Jesus and the rest will fall into place.

I’m pretty sure that when Dr. Y was done talking, my jaw was on the ground. I totally expected to hear things like, ‘work on his manners, ‘ or ‘teach him how to compliment others’ or something superficial like that and I would have went home and made a chart -- because we like charts -- and done exactly what he said. Instead, he opened my eyes to such an enormous truth. Sure, my boys aren’t perfect but they were made in the image of God and God is perfect. Obviously, as parents, it's our job to guide and influence but it is not our job to mold them into something they are not. If other's don't love them for them, it doesn't matter. Jesus does.

I realize this is easier said than done because it's a tough pill to swallow, isn’t it? That there will be people that don’t like us {or our children}? But then I realized something. Not everyone liked Jesus. Hello? He was crucified on a tree. I think that pretty much sums up his social status. In 1 Peter 2:4-5, it says that, ‘….he was rejected by people, but he was chosen by God for great honor.’ Whew.

Popularity, schmop-ularity. You can keep your 'Most Likely To Marry a Princess' votes and party invites. It won’t get my boys to heaven but I know what will…..