The Spiritual Lightbulb

Just recently, something has clicked in this pea-sized brain of mine. We all hear people say, ‘Why won’t God send me a visible sign?’ or ‘I just wish God’s voice was real.’ To me, these are all very valid and normal longings. I, too, have desired that writing-in-the-sky, that piece of mail personally addressed from Jesus himself, saying, ‘Yes, Dawn, that’s the path I destined you to walk. Go in peace.’ However, to this day, I’ve yet to see such.

Now, please remember that I’m still a very immature Christian. It's true. I mean, I just gave my testimony for the first time this past week. P.S. – that was TOUGH. Maybe I’ll blog about that one day for anyone who wasn’t there and is interested. My point is that what I’ve discovered is something many probably already knew but for whatever reason, it’s really on my mind. This may be more for the simple-minded folk -> me.

After our stop at DunkinDonuts {weekly, not DAILY, and only with good behavior - don't judge, it works}, I’m driving to work this morning. As ‘Voice of Truth’ is cranked up {d2 has moved on to a new Casting Crowns song and the volume level is irrelevant because his singing is MUCH louder than what is coming from the speakers}, it occurs to me that God answers prayers. Clearly this is not the epiphany. I’m not that unformed. Obviously I know, much to our chagrin, that sometimes it’s a ‘yes,’ sometimes it’s a ‘no,’ and sometimes it’s a ‘not right now’ {or, in some cases a ‘are you CRAZY?’} What I just now realized is that, over time, many of my prayers have been answered but not because my circumstances have changed but because I have changed. Whoa.

Maybe I’ve known this deep inside but, for whatever reason, it’s hitting me hard right now, in this very moment. So much so that I scarfed down my lunch to have a few minutes to blog this at work while I still had it fresh. Yes, my prayer life is still not where I would like it to be, maybe even a little pathetic but that’s my fault. I know I need to make more time and not just give God the ‘leftovers’ but even in the small time I do spend in prayer, I’m now realizing that He has changed my thoughts, my desires, my urges. This has drastically changed who I am and it has NOTHING to do with my abilities. All Him.

How do I know this? Not so long ago, I would see a purse I liked and I would buy it. Just like that. I wouldn’t think about how our money could be better spent. I wouldn’t think about how far that cash could go for a homeless person or a single mom. I wouldn’t think about how I already had 47 purses at home. I would just buy it. Now if I see a purse and I want it, I wait. I wait until either the desire leaves me or the purse goes on sale. Either way, I’m learning patience and I know this is a God thing because I prayed for help with my impulsive tendencies not so long ago. I had struggled with it for years and I knew it wouldn’t just change overnight but, in hindsight, it kind of did and that’s not because of me. I’m not that strong. This is just one example in my life. Now if I can just get a double shot of that patience where my boys are concerned.....

Sure, it happens on occasion. Opportunities come up that we think are perfect and that it must be ‘meant’ for us. It must be a ‘sign.’ I’m not saying I don’t believe it. Heck, our whole story of moving to SC was pretty much a miracle in itself and all based on doors opening and closing in just the right time. But what I’m learning is that I need to spend more time in prayer and in asking God for His will to be done, to continue changing my thoughts and desires to what aligns with His plans. As a self-proclaimed control freak {hello? I am currently struggling with control of a date night itinerary with my hubs! I can’t even let that go!}, this is not easy but, in time, how awesome to know we are exactly where God wants us.

Prayer does not change God, but it changes him who prays. ~ Søren Kierkegaard

Prayer may not change things for you, but it for sure changes you for things. ~ Samuel M. Shoemaker

And for a little humor to end this Friday post ~

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools. ~ Author Unknown