A Weekend to Remember

Have you seen National Lampoons Christmas Vacation? You know that part where the tree catches on fire and you’re thinking, ‘Seriously? Can’t the dude catch a break? All he wants is a little bonus and a big tree!’ Well, with confidence, I can say that I can relate. Or we, rather. The only difference is that we were on a camping vacation, not Christmas.

I don’t even know where to begin, really. My intention was to give you a detailed play-by-play but I’ve decided to just do a summary recap of events to avoid any bitterness that might form again from too thorough of a review on my part.

Okay, so we got a camper about a month ago. It’s a 2001 Jayco Pop-Up and was in excellent shape for being 11 years old. We were super excited {yes, even me} to take it out for the first time to Calhoun Falls, a state park set on Lake Russell which is down on the Georgia border. We headed out on a Friday afternoon and the hour-and-a-half drive went great. Dallas proudly drove the van that was towing our prized possession and threw a few nods at other drivers as they admired our camper {or so BigD thought}. All in all, we were off to a good start. The next 48 hours, however, was a horse of a different color.

5:30pm – arrived at state park with zero signal for my phone. Yes, that is a notable tragedy

6:30pm – during water hookup, Dallas discovered leak #1 that occurred thanks to the faucet being in the ‘on’ position {courtesy of some little hands fiddling with them} which caused water to pour in on the floor that just so happened to be where our couch cushions were sitting

7:15pm – hurricane-like winds blew in while Dallas was still setting up; boys were starving; I rushed everyone {minus Dallas} to the van and fed them half-frozen mini pizzas and Slim Jims for dinner as they asked me if Daddy was going to blow away in the camper

8:00pm – we all entered camper while rain continued to pour, Dallas discovered that he broke a piece on the door which allowed unwanted bugs inside, and the boys were bouncing off the walls sides. I think this was the first time I said that I wanted to go home

8:15pm – I heard something break outside the camper. Next thing I knew, Dallas came in and told me that he had been mildly electrocuted and, as a result, dropped and broke our only flashlight

8:30pm – portable toilet was set up in the kitchenette. Keepin’ it classy, folks.

9:30pm – everyone was cranky and put to bed, including myself

1:30am – leak #2 sprouted sometime in the night due to another faucet issue and, once again, flooded the floor

The next day was not nearly as bad. I mean, I obviously don’t love the ‘bath house’ concept but the weather turned out pretty nice, the leaks were repaired and we enjoyed some nice time with family. I learned a few lessons when it comes to packing for these types of weekends. For example, one bath towel is not enough, especially when said towel was used to clean up leak #1 and we were left with no towels. Thankfully, Dallas’ aunt came to our rescue. Oh and probably the most important lesson I learned? Either bring 10 pairs of socks per child or only bring sandals. They were forever getting dirty and, for whatever reason, these crazies thought it was okay to walk around in the dirt with only their socks on. It’s like they left their brains at mile marker 42 or something – why on earth?!? Yes, I let little things like that stress me out but, as I’ve already said, it was a lesson learned. Here are the only two pictures taken because…wait for it…my camera battery was dead. Naturally.

All set up...

Isn't it ironic that I took a picture of the sink, given the grief that it caused? I was actually just admiring my cute little 3-in-1 griddle/toaster oven/coffee pot...

And the final day – oh, what a day it was. As did the first one, it started out really well. The weather was beautiful, the boys went out for a boat ride with Uncle Joe, we ate fried bologna, egg and cheese sandwiches {hold your vomit, please – it was quite tasty} and just hung out. The boys rode their bikes, we took nice walks and just enjoyed time where we weren’t running here, there and everywhere.

But then we headed home and that, my friends, is where it all bottomed out. As we were traveling on I-85, about 20 minutes from home, a lady drove up next to us, rolled down her window and was trying to tell us something. It sounded a whole lot like, ‘Your tag fell off’ and she was pointing to the back. We assumed the license plate had fallen off and were bummed we might have to pay the $20 replacement fee but just thanked her with a smile and a wave. It wasn’t long before we realized that she was saying, ‘Your ENTIRE BACK END {and spare tire} fell off.’ Or something like that. You see, when we pulled in to park the camper at home, this is what we found -



It was just like the lady said - the back is gone! From what we can gather, a family of Japanese hornets made their home in the tail end of the camper at some point in the last 11 years and hollowed out one of the main boards holding it all together. For whatever reason, maybe the weight of the spare tire on the back {which is still MIA} was too much for the tail but it all flew off somewhere between White Horse and Laurens Road on the interstate.

Apparently searching for old hornet nests is not a part of a standard camper inspection. One more lesson learned, I suppose.

This is where my, ‘Seriously? Can we not catch a break here?’ Clark Griswold comparison comes into play. Because how exactly does this happen? Let me break it down for you – IT DOESN’T. Ever. Even the multiple repair men we talked to last week had never heard of it. Listen, I’m all for setting ‘first time’ records but not so much in this category.

Alas, we're just going to get back on this horse and ride. We've already scheduled our next camping weeked over Memorial Day, assuming, of course, the replacement parts arrive in time. Here's the good news - it can't really get much worse than this, right?